So when the attacks came full swing from his families I had married into, I didn't know how to properly swim with the fish. However, floundering was good, because with my personality, I was able to allow myself to flounder while examining what I was swimming through. I had been swimming through America's swamps. The gay community blames the church, the church often condemns the gay community and the gay men's family members stay silent, allowing the church to take the blame, while they attend the churches. So after a very heartfelt discussion with some charming southern belles, I realized, at some point the gay community and their nuclear family members has to stop blaming the church and start recognizing their own hatred that they are spewing. If the church has got it so wrong, why lean on the church find your inner God, and begin to love yourselves and others. Instead I who had married into that community received no love, only hatred and mockery towards my womanhood, the colour of skin, and my faith. This community also played into the gender role abuse. They would throw out terms such as: so we see he is not allowed to be the man, she is a bitch, don't be hen pecked, you need to be dominant, send her back home. She is not as pretty as us men, and so on.
I am reconnecting with my roots: which is my own faith, my Indian continent, my family's upbringing and using these roots to strengthen back my natural core. It is going to take a lot of gumption, coconut water, and courage to stay the course. It is going to take me reciting the following mantra: hey this is me, if you don't like me, you might want to examine yourself and why you feel the need to hate. Why do I speak of two and half women. My husband's southern family didn't give room to my husband to acknowledge or express his creative feminine feelings, which only made him internalize his anger. He fought for gender roles in our marriage, like a bulldog fights a chihuahua. You are the woman, you need to serve me, follow me and allow me to make decisions. At the same time you need to understand I am the one who knows how to cook, clean and decorate, you are too "manly" to know these things naturally. Half of me according to him was woman and he was compensating for the other half. The other half I am going to refer to both his gay friends, who also used their flamboyant personalities to spew hatred and threats of violence. I am going to challenge this community specifically in Kentucky, to step up and practise what they demand. If you demand love and acceptance, then demonstrate love and demonstrate acceptance towards others, and not just those who are going to get on your bandwagon, true love and acceptance means stepping out of your community and loving those different from you.